It is with a heavy heart that I must now announce my retirement from The Influence Inc. This is not a willful retirement, but instead a forced one. I was expelled from the group after offending my colleagues by inappropriately using the “N Word” an alleged 11 times. I will be extending a public apology within the next week. Honestly, I was just trying to diffuse racial tension….

OH wait, that wasn’t me. I’m just going back to college.

Seriously though, I will be driving back to those rolling hills of North-West VA kicking and screaming. By no means do I wish to leave. I can say with confidence that this has been the best summer of my existence to date. I’m already experiencing the pang of separation anxiety. But before I get all sentimental on your asses, I’d like to describe my last show as The Merch Girl which took place August 13^th in our very own Richmond, Virginia.

After spending far too many hours in hot, smelly Steve[1], we unloaded and set up at The Canal Club. I noticed there was quite the eclectic mix of people at this venue. Sublime-ers, Hard rockers, one guy was wearing a cowboy hat….so essentially the best of all worlds had come together that night. I sat at my perch and doodled for probably a solid 45 minutes while anxiously waiting for the guys to go on. Don’t get me wrong, the other bands were fantastic but I always consider The Influence to be superior. I suppose I might be a tad biased… but really, they’re the best.

I’d like to open this blog with one of my favorite quotes:

“I love New York City. Oh yea! New York City.”- Andrew WK

I feel like that was necessary to set the tone of this piece. New York is absolutely my favorite place in the world and I was extremely excited to visit with The Influence for the second time on August 4^th. The first time I ventured into the city with the guys was also my first night on the Merch Girl job and my head was a swirling mass of new information, people and places. There were Sony executives and tons of fans and a huge merch box in a small corner and cardboard cut-outs of Vince Neil…it was all just very overwhelming. However this time, I was much more experienced and equipped with the system I’ve developed (not to mention there was nothing reminiscent of Motley Crue present to distract me) so I was ready to rock!

When we arrived in the city, me, the band and 3 of our friends all hopped out of the van and unloaded at Crash Mansion. A few hours later, the guys went on and sounded AMAZING. I couldn’t contain myself at the Merch Perch, I hopped up and danced with the crowd and had a blast, as did everyone else from what I observed. After the show, I was sitting at my table debating buying my own products when it occurred to me that I had almost no material for my blog! It was such a normal, smooth evening. I was almost starting to panic! By midnight I still had nothing to write about and seriously considered doing a section on Will’s facial hair and its versatility. But luckily I found a little excitement later in the evening. Hold on to your hats.

After we left Crash Mansion, Matt decided to embark on a legendary quest for food. I heard he found a flower shop instead but come to think of it, I think it was pretty late at that point….24-hour flower shop? Only in NY.

Later, at a little bar down the street, we encountered a very nice girl with a nasty right hook. With no explanation, she clocked a few of the guys all while giggling. I like to think that alcohol often causes people to adopt alternate personalities, but really, if tequila turns you into Mike Tyson you should probably reassess your lifestyle.

2:00 am- wait, is Matt still out looking for food? Oh well, at least he avoided a black eye.

So we left the boxing ring and found a new, more low-key bar. I was sitting on a stool admiring the art on the walls when an older man approached me. I mean like…considerably older, balding and all. I sat and talked to him uncomfortably for what seemed like a century when I got a text from Tully to the tune of, “Hey so should we just let you go home with the old guy?”. Thanks buddy, I appreciate the help. No prob, I’ll just sit here and endure a conversation that I’m pretty sure is illegal in 16 states. Let’s just say guys get bolder with age. And vodka.  Luckily, Chris saved the day by posing as my boyfriend. Old man was crushed.

Needless to say we were on to bar #3…seriously, where’s Matt? And what’s with all these random collect calls Collin keeps receiving? Hm…

The next day I woke up on the floor of Chris’s uncle’s apartment to a knock on the door. Matt’s home! Turns out he had just decided to extend his original adventure by a few hours. He explored streets, met friends who fed him popcorn, investigated pay phones and tried desperately to use them. All in all I think he ended up learning a lot about New York but all he told me was that a lot of people in the city talk to themselves.

Finally, after thanking him for his hospitality, Uncle T bid us farewell with a special “Bye Ginger!” for Will and we were on our way back to the Beach.

Fin.

This venue in Fredericksburg was a nice little Irish pub in a somewhat remote location. When we arrived, the first thing I noticed was that there were about five huge motorcycles parked outside and a few stereotypical bikers enjoying a relaxing meal on the patio. This gave me very high hopes for the show’s atmosphere. I thought that maybe I’d enjoy a nice bar fight or two… maybe learn some kind of auto-mechanics. But alas. 8:13 pm: 5 bikers exit the bar. I’m sure it was just bad timing though. They must have had some kind of conflict which prevented them from staying for the show. Harley Davidson convention?

                Anyway, after the fine gentlemen in leather departed, I began to unpack my merch and found that we have new things to sell! I was so excited I could have peed myself like a little puppy. Pink shirts! Green shirts! Panties!!! I find myself locked in this constant conundrum where I make a limited amount of money with the guys and then immediately want to spend it all on the items I sell…

I hope no one thinks that the previous paragraph was any sort of cheap plug. This blog is honestly completely separate from my sales position.

But seriously… buy things.

So around 8:50 pm, I positioned the products and perched for awhile. The guys started a little late so I doodled in my notebook and pretended to be jotting down important notes for about half an hour. Finally around 10:45 the guys started and sounded awesome, per usual. Meanwhile, I kept a steady eye on who came and left:

10:09 pm- starting total is 9 people in the entirety of the first floor, excluding the band and myself. But it’s still early yet…

10:15 pm- +4 people!!! …-2. (it’s fine, the two who left were lame anyways)

10:28 pm- +2 people….oh wait never mind, they’re at the wrong bar.

10:38 pm- +1 older woman in a tunic. Later she’ll begin a slow clap that no one else follows because the song hadn’t ended yet. But she was actually very, very sweet and told the guys how much she enjoyed their music. Who doesn’t? You go tunic woman, right on.

By 10:48 there were a total of 10 fans in the main concert room, but I think, despite the bad weather, there were a bunch of other people throughout the bar just hiding in corners or out back or behind doors because after the show, tons of new faces were approaching me to buy things or shaking hands with the band, etc.

Overall, it was an excellent event and everyone who was lucky enough to attend and stay had a terrific time! This includes Shannon (shout out), who was extremely helpful as well as incredibly fun to have around on this trip and, furthermore, who taught me the difference between a groupie and a roadie. Roadies are invited, Groupies just come….I think that was it.

And then Collin knocked down a bar stool. The end.